Maria Holland

Not That Kind of Waitress

In Uncategorized on October 28, 2011 at 5:54 pm

I’m pretty thrifty (read: lazy) when it comes to Halloween.  My modus operandi is to piece something together from my clothes and random things I’ve picked up at thrift stores or in my travels.  My arsenal of costume parts includes:

  • beard
  • elf boots and hat
  • suspenders
  • thrift store tie
  • glasses with attached mustache and nose

These items, combined with legit things that I actually wear (Mexican dresses, cowboy boots, camo jacket, aviator sunglasses, black dress, pearls), are capable of making any number of costumes.  Past costumes of mine include: Audrey Hepburn, Cheerleader (from Teen Girl Squad), and Kim Jong Il.  How’s that for range?

This year I’m feeling especially cheap AND lazy, so I decided to raid the closet once again, and came up with a brilliant idea – I’ll be a Chinese waitress! 

Qipao top, black pencil skirt, and sensible shoes – check, check, check.  I already feel like a waitress when I wear it, so it’s perfect. 

The only problem is that no one will know who I am – this is something I faced when I was Cheerleader and, surprisingly, when I was Kim Jong Il.  (Come on, enormous bouffant with military jacket and giant sunglasses!  It was so obvious . . . ).  So I was thinking of ways to identify myself more definitively.

What about a nametag?  I could write “waitress” in Chinese so that the Chinese people would know who I am, and everyone else would know it’s something in Chinese.  I’ll just make a nametag with 小姐 on it. 

. . . And then I realize that 小姐, the term I most often use for waitresses, refers to a hooker in parts of China.  Probably not a good idea . . .

(Note to self: never again Google Image Search the term “小姐") 

  1. Maybe you could carry a little plastic tray with a fortune cookie and bill written on one of these receipt pads……

  2. You know where you got your lazi…. er…. cleverness from, right?

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