Maria Holland

Archive for June, 2011|Monthly archive page

If You Fool Your Dog, They Can’t Get Pregnant

In Uncategorized on June 16, 2011 at 11:17 pm

This is an actual, real-life conversation that took place this evening on QQ between me and XuLei, my Chinese best friend.  I translated it from Chinese, leaving only the characters that are important.  There are only two – 骟 (shan, to neuter) and 骗 (pian, to fool or trick).  This is a comedic misunderstanding worthy of Abbot and Costello . . .

Me: I want to show you my dog.  He had surgery yesterday.

XuLei: What’s he wearing on his neck?

Maria: He’s wearing a cone.  There are stitches where he got surgery . . .

XuLei: Oh, so it’s to protect where he had surgery?

Me: Yeah.  You’re so clever!
[After a few minutes of looking for the word online] He was neutered [被骟] yesterday.

XuLei: ????

Me: Do you understand?

XuLei: Was the veterinarian not very good?

Me: No!

XuLei: Then why was he fooled [被骗]??

Me: If you don’t neuter dogs they can have puppies . . . and we don’t want puppies.

XuLei: If you don’t fool them they’ll have puppies??????  What does that even mean???

Me: If he and the mama dog haven’t been neutered they can have puppies

XuLei: How do you fool him?  That’s so weird.  My IQ must be too low, I just can’t understand.  Fool your dogs and cats so they don’t get pregnant

Me: I don’t know . . . maybe I have the wrong word.  It’s like . . . they cut off his penis . . .

XuLei: 骟 [shan]??  I kept reading 骗 [pian].  NOW I understand.

Me: So, do you understand me now?  Neutered, not fooled!  Aren’t you Chinese, can you read characters or not???

XuLei: I understand now!  It just looks so similar that I never paid attention

Me: Yeah, I didn’t notice either that you kept typing 骗

XuLei: 骗 骟  Look closely, don’t they look similar?

Me: Of course they do!  Now you understand my difficulties last year . . . 末未,Look closely, don’t they look similar?  士土,人入 . . . Characters are so complicated!

XuLei: Haha, I understand

Maria: We poor foreigners . . .